Finding balance in an unbalanced world

Post 8: MODERATION: THE MIDDLE WAY:

“Beginnings and endings are easy. The middle is always the hardest part.” Charles Dickens.

Finding balance is a difficult thing to do, both as individuals and as a culture. We are all struggling to find balance in a world that is wildly out of balance. Moderation becomes a difficult thing when the world insists on pushing us to extremes. The Native Americans know about the value of finding the middle ground. Just as they simultaneously love and fear the power of nature, they know that a middle ground must be found. There are just as many Native American myths about the moon as there are about the sun. The Onondaga Indians rightly point out, “We exist between the ant and the mountain”.

When we think of acting in moderation, some may think of behavior like drinking or other harmful behavior. This goes back to my previous lesson about addiction. If someone is able to regulate their potentially destructive behavior--such as drinking in moderation--they can avoid the pitfalls of addiction. You don't have to deprive yourself completely of anything. You just need to walk the tightrope down the center.

            Look at the story of Shakyamuni Buddha. He was a spoiled prince in the sixth century BC whose early life was one of complete indulgence. He eventually gave all that up in favor of a spiritual quest which would leave him to live an ascetic lifestyle, starving and punishing himself. When he became so weak that he was near death and still hadn’t found the spiritual enlightenment he sought, he came to realize his error. Neither extreme--mortification or excessive indulgence—was the correct path. There had to be a better way. A middle way. Buddha told his followers, “Avoiding these two extremes is where you find the enlightenment of the middle path, which brings insight and knowledge and leads to higher consciousness and Nirvana.  

So how do we find the middle ground in our lives today? We’re living at a time where the country is polarized politically to either the far right or the far left. The gap between rich and poor has never been wider. Some religions talk about purity or sin, heaven or hell. Our leaders tell us we have to choose between our personal freedoms or being killed by terrorists. If we don’t work enough hours we can’t make a living but we’re working so many hours that we don’t have lives.

            So where’s the middle ground Buddha spoke of? Where is the midway view between poverty and excessive indulgence?  How do we find balance?

War is something every generation experiences and it’s a perfect example of an extreme viewpoint. It’s good to stand up for a cause but militant action can be taken too far. Obviously, there are times where you have to take a stand but is going to war always the answer? It takes a wise man to find a middle path between passive acceptance and violent overkill. People like Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela were smart enough to find the middle path between violence and surrender. They took a brave stance without striking a blow. Avoiding extremes is the path to the middle way.

            Here’s a story about a couple who had two children. One son was treated like an adult, allowed a great deal of freedom and independence. The parents related to him more like he was a friend, not an offspring. They let him experiment with drugs and alcohol at a young age. When he dropped out of school, they supported his decision. Today, that boy is a 40 year old unemployed alcoholic, still living with his parents.

            As for the other son, his story was different, because they treated him so differently. They tried the opposite track with him. They became overprotective and put the fear of everything into him. They constantly warned him of all the world’s dangers. They made him afraid of strangers, told him that friends couldn’t be trusted and that women were dangerous. He became shy, insecure and a total nervous wreck. By the time he was 39 years old, he was a bundle of nerves living alone is a small apartment, with no friends, completely cut off from a scary world.

            That couple’s inability to find moderation with their kids led to them both becoming very damaged adults. Too many people in the world have the same trouble finding balance.   We’re too high or too low. Too fast or too slow. We lean to the left or to the right. When we look at all the things we’ve seen and experienced, we wish that we could live In-Between but we don’t know how to do it, or maybe we’re afraid to attempt something so far out of our comfort zone. So we stay stuck at the far extremes. But we’ll have to risk making that unfamiliar journey to the middle ground if we want to find the peace of a balanced universe. The center will hold, if we can just find it.