The Domino Effect

  One thing leads to another. There has to be a cause before there can be an effect. Intentions lead to actions which lead to results. Everything was caused by something else, like a cosmic domino effect. The strange thing is, good things can sometimes be created by bad. History is full of examples of something dark creating a shining light for the world. World War Two led to India becoming a free nation after 100 years under the thrall of British colonialism. The Civil War led to the freeing of the slaves in America. The list goes on and on.

 

  Think of the Buddhist legend of the demon Kishimojin and her 10 daughters. This Demon is usually seen as a protector but there is a story behind their benevolent behavior.

 

  According to the legend, Kishamojin was once an evil demon who kidnapped and ate babies. To make her see the error of her cruel ways, Shakyamuni Buddha kidnapped and hid her youngest child. She begged him to return her child. Shakyamuni pointed out to her that what she was feeling was how the parents of all the children she ate felt. Kishimojin realized the Buddha was right. She had a change of heart and so the Buddha returned her child to her. From then on, she and her 10 daughters have protected others instead of harming them. They just needed someone to show them the error of their ways.

 

  This story is designed to show two things: How evil actions affect those around us, not just directly but in a domino effect. It also shows how following the path of integrity can transform ourselves and our environment, creating a brighter future for ourselves and those around us. Another domino effect. In the story, something good comes from something bad. If Kishimojin hadn’t once been evil, her children would not have become protectors of Buddhists everywhere. The Buddha’s faith and goodness overcame the darkness in Kishimojin, thus creating a lasting good. A mother’s sin led to ten heroic daughters who make the world a better place.

 

  There is a Passamaquoddy Indian story of the Girl and the Chenoo. (A Chenoo is a huge, carnivorous ogre.)  The girl lived with her brothers. The brothers hunted each day but each night, the fruits of their labor mysteriously disappeared. The girl found giant footprints which belonged to a Cheeno. The brothers considered standing guard at night but feared that the Chenoo would eat them so they huddled in their camp at night, praying that the Cheno would not take their food, or worse, take them! But the sister had an idea. She waited for the Chenoo with food laid out for him. She greeted the surprised creature as a friend and spoke kindly to him. She fed the Chenoo and pitied his lonely life, scavenging for food. The Chenoo was touched by her compassion. The next day, the creature left firewood for them. From then on, the Chenoo became a friend and protector of the family, all due to an act of kindness that changed a feared monster into a friend. For generations the Chenoo would guard the family and future generations would call him “grandfather”. From this ohe act of kindness, generations benefited. A domino effect.

  

  Through the blackness, our inner fire produces a light that is victorious over the darkest parts of our nature. Not just for the people involved but for others involved. A domino effect! Have faith that goodness will win out  like the sun driving out the dark. Our faith will survive the darkness. By rebuking our worst selves, we transform our inner condition and our outer reality. This affects not only ourselves but those around us. A domino effect.

 

  If the Buddha nature manifests from within, the belief is that it will grant protection from without, allowing us to withstand the cold indifference of the darkness of the universe. In times of trial, our goal is to make the impossible possible and turn the darkness into light.

 

Everyone is Equal

“WE ARE ALL EQUAL”

The country has never been so divided between the rich and the poor as it is now. The rich are getting richer and more powerful while the rest are struggling to make a living. The rich were once called “the better class” and there still may be some people who see it that way, but the truth is, no one is any better than anyone else.

Your position in life depends on the whims of fate. It’s all a matter of where and when you are. You can take a very rich man and put him on a battlefield where his money can’t stop bullets and he’ll be no better than anyone else. Take a successful computer technician and put him in Amish country and he’ll suddenly find that his skills won’t get him very far. A famous actor wouldn’t be much help at the scene of car accident. What we think of as “important” or what makes us “better” than someone else is fungible.

Racism is a similar thing. Some people believe themselves to be born better than others because of their color, religion sex or sexual orientation.

  Doctor Martin Luther King was a man who was once told he was not the equal of other men because of the color of this skin. He was told where he was allowed to sit in a bus or a restaurant. But he never accepted the idea that he was a lesser man than anyone else. He defied his oppressors, stood up for what he believed in and led a movement that would change the world. Doctor King knew that everyone was equal and that everyone was worthy of respect. He knew that there should be no discrimination.                                                                                                                                                

  At one time, traditional schools of Buddhism, like so many other religious practices, discriminated against women, denying them equality in their faith. Buddhist women were told that there was no possibility of their attaining enlightenment or becoming Buddha’s. That’s changed today and woman can hold exalted positions. Similarly, the Native Americans were once an oppressed minority. They were called “Redskins”. Hollywood portrayed them as illiterate savages. It’s only in recent years that a more enlightened generation has come to see the error of this.

  Sometimes all it takes is one person with courage to remind us of this truth. Sometimes, all it takes is a Martin Luther King or a Gandhi to light the flame and soon there will be two, four, eight and then eighteen and then eighty and then eight hundred and then eight thousand and so on, who stand up against those who say they are inferior. More and more, people today are awakening, as if from a sleep, joining the march toward enlightenment.

  On our own, we sometimes doubt our potential. But it’s always within us, even when we doubt. Just like a tree in winter, waiting for a bit of warmth to help it bloom. We’re like the trees, waiting for the moment when we’ll bloom. We don’t realize our full potential until we are inspired to unlock it. As Emily Dickenson said, “We never know how high we are until we are called to rise.”

  Our commitment may ebb at times. One day we may feel that we can conquer the world and the next we let small problems get the better of us. But it’s when we are feeling weak that we need to remember that every one of us has greatness inside.

  A great leader or teacher, like a Gandhi or a Dr. King can help bring out this latent greatness which we all have. Sometimes inspiration is the difference between a life of unhappy mediocrity and a life fulfilled.

  “Teach me half the gladness that the brain must know, such harmonious madness from my lips would flow, and the world would listen then, as I am listening now.” Mary Shelly.

  We can all learn and we can all achieve Buddhahood. When Martin Luther King said “We’ll get to the promised land” he spoke for all of us who would plant the seeds of indestructible fortune in our lives and make a better world, with equality and victory for all.

 

BE DETERMINED

CONSISTANCY AND DETERMINATION

When I was growing up, my best friend’s name was Brian. He was a boy genius and his mother made him study every day. I used to get mad that he couldn’t come out to play more often. Why did he have to study every day? Well, he eventually got a science scholarship at Cooper Union. That’s why he studied every day.

  The best athletes train every day. Great writers clear at least one hour a day off their schedules just to write. Inventors work for years, putting in hours each day, to invent something amazing. Just as these great examples do, we need to keep constantly in practice and strengthen our faith daily or our devotion will weaken and we won’t become what we are capable of becoming.

If you’ve ever been really determined to do something—whether it’s get rich or win a trophy or get cast in that big acting role—you know that you won’t do it with a half-hearted effort. You know that success in anything worth having takes daily commitment; otherwise the dream will ultimately wither and fade.

            We must live what we preach. We can’t find enlightenment and evolve to something better than we are with a part-time, sporadic effort. Just like the body needs exercise every day to maintain its fitness, a spirit needs to be nurtured every day in order to become a powerful soul. Going to church once a week or chanting a ritual once a month will not do the job. It takes commitment for someone to become greater than they are. If you want to walk on a higher plane, you need to climb another rung of the ladder every day; otherwise you’ll never reach the top.

The Native American Indians have a lot of rituals which they pass down to their children and encourage the next generation to keep in practice or they may find themselves only going through the motions and losing the heart of the tradition. Buddhists chant every single day, without fail. Often for hours per day. Of course, most people don’t have that must time anymore but even modern city Buddhists try to fit in a half hour of chanting each day.

            So my advice is to live it, don’t just talk it! If you want to be a better person, do something every day that makes you a better person. If helping other people makes you feel you are evolving as a person, then try to do a favor for someone every day. If you feel you need to pray or chant or do a ceremonial dance or whatever makes you feel connected to a greater universe—do it! Even if you can’t fit it in every day, do it as much as possible.

            Don’t let your soul atrophy and don’t lose what you’ve gained by being complacent. You need to feed and exercise your soul constantly if you want to become an evolved, enlightened being.

Peace on Earth

70 years ago, General George Patton said, “Compared to war, all other forms of human endeavor shrink to insignificance.” If this is true, it’s a sad commentary on the human condition. Why, most people ask, can’t the nations of the world unite with the same efficiency for world peace as they do for world wars? We wait and hope that our leaders will see the light one day. But the real answer doesn’t lie with them, it lies with us. Inside each of us is the key to peace. This endeavor for peace is aimed at transforming human consciousness and uniting people everywhere.

We’re all votaries of change, improvement and evolution, and it’s our mission to instill in people’s hearts a deep appreciation for the ultimate value and dignity of human life and the necessity for peace. The Buddha said, “Better than 1,000 hollow words, is one word that brings peace.” The Oglala Indians believe “There can never be peace between nations until it is first known that true peace is within the souls of men.”

Post 14:

Some people would say that it’s human nature to fight. But the weaknesses of human nature can be overcome through faith, heart, will and determination, and the belief that we can become better than we have been. Our faith should be a kind of evolution, where we attain a wisdom that allows us to solve the world’s problems without violence. Martin Luther King said, “Peace is not merely a goal, it is the means by which we will arrive at that goal.” William Shakespeare said, “Peace is the best kind of conquest because both sides are subdued.”

The Native Americans used to smoke a ceremonial peace Pipe which was passed around between former enemies as a convenant of peace. We should have more civilized ceremonies devoted to peace. The core of the humanistic spirit is our eternal mission to rid the world of suffering and misery by transforming the human consciousness. As Gandhi said, “peace is its own reward”.

A Spiritual Revolution

POST 13:   Great Moments in the Spiritual Revolution

            “Not in the clamor of the crowded streets, not in the shouts and plaudits of the throng but rather in ourselves lie the victory and defeat.” H. W. Longfellow.

            One of the main aims of the lives of a seeker is to evolve and improve. We hope to create change in our souls and in our natural environment by creating profound change within ourselves. By getting in touch with our own Better nature, we can be catalysts for a grander evolution of the species. But looking at the world of chaos we live in, a Spiritual Revolution may seem very far away. In such uncertain times, can we still cling to the hope of changing the world for the better? Is it possible?

            The answer is…Sometimes it works! And we need to be heartened and motivated by the victories we see and let them inspire us to seek out more victories. We need to be proud of any positive change in the world because it came from the good intentions and brave hearts of people who believed it could happen.

            As Ralph Waldo Emerson once said, “Great is not he who can alter matter, but who can alter his state of mind.” It is our hearts that change other hearts. It doesn’t happen quickly but sometimes it works. There’s a Buddhist teaching that “In all things, patience is the key to victory. Those who cannot endure cannot hope to win. Ultimate victory belongs to those who can forebear.” And so we wait. And occasionally, through the dark times, we see the light of proof. We see evidence of a victory in the Spiritual revolution.

            One victory can lead to the next. In 1963, when segregation was still common, Dr. Martin Luther King gave his legendary “I have a dream speech” on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. 100 years before that, Abraham Lincoln read the Emancipation Proclamation, ending slavery. When Dr. King read his speech a century later, no one present thought they would ever see in their lifetime what they saw in November 2007. On that historic occasion, Barrack Obama became the first African American Commander-in-Chief of the United States. It was a great moment in racial equality and an amazing moment in the Spiritual Revolution. It was proof that if we just wait, it can work. It’s “the triumph of hope over experience.”  

             ‘The structure of society is secondary to the human spirit.’  The day free elections were held in the former Soviet Union was another victory, as was the tearing down of the Berlin Wall. These Victories are as grand as they are rare and they are evidence that sometimes it works. There are victories to be celebrated.

            Thomas Edison explained that the secret to his success was to never stop trying until he beat the problem. Once you give up, you are defeated. We have a responsibility to the world to keep trying to recreate these rare victories and to never stop believing that our actions count. When one does nothing, one is responsible for everything.

            There are billions of dreams for a better world being dreamed every day. There are billions of people all hoping that the problems of yesterday will be gone tomorrow. But how many have faith to really believe that? There is so much sadness in history. What about the Native Americans? Look what happened to them! They were conquered and went from masters of a continent to an oppressed minority. That was not a great moment for the species, was it? No, it was not! And the fact is that not every battle will be won. No matter how good your intentions are or how positive your attitude, there are no guarantees in life. But what’s admirable about the American Indians is that they may have lost the war but they didn’t lose their heart.

            Positive change can occur. Not always, true, but sometimes it happens. We’ve seen the proof. It doesn’t come at the point of a gun, but rather in the hopes and prayers of the people who find greatness within themselves. We are, as Tennyson said, “One equal temper of heroic heart, made weak by time and fate but strong in will. To strive, to seek, to find and not to yield!”

            We’ve had our victories in the past. We have proof that battles in the Spiritual Revolution can be won. We’ve done it before and we can do it again, as long as we don’t lose hope.

Freedom

Post 12: FREEDOM

“Oh, to be the ruler of life, not a slave.” Walt Whitman.

What is freedom? Is it living as we choose, our spirits unchained and unhindered by expectations and obligations? Is it releasing the inner entombed soul? A fire that stirs and wakes those living in unhappy resignation? Bob Dylan asked “How many years can some people exist before they’re allowed to be free?” So what exactly is freedom?

Freedom is a touchy subject when it comes to the Native Americans. The Native Americans once ruled the continent until the arrival of settlers who conquered the old American Indian tribes in wars that came close to genocide for the Indians. The victorious American government put aside some land for the remaining Indians to live on, which have become known as reservations. There was an unwillingness to share the same land with the defeated race. These reservations have been the home of most, but not all of the remaining American Indian population. This mass segregation turned the once dominant American Indians into an oppressed minority. There are 24 million Native Americans remaining, which is a very small amount considering the population of the country. The new culture of reservation life that the Indian nations were forced to accept has spawned the new social problems which plague them today.

             Beyond the more ethical and political definitions of freedom, there is the concept of inner freedom. Being free, in this context,  means to avoid spiritual paralysis, to follow your beliefs and become a complete human being. It is the destiny of all people to be free. It’s similar to Dharma. Dharma is our ultimate purpose or higher truth. It is our duty to find our personal truth. We must free ourselves and create our own future. Buddha described Dharma as the practice of Freedom. To quote the Buddha, “Just as there is only one taste in the ocean—the taste of salt—so in Buddhism there is only one taste. The taste of Freedom.

            Dharma is a discipline that leads to Freedom. Many may think that discipline and freedom are opposite things. But they’re not! It takes more discipline to live free and prosper than to follow. Freedom also requires courage. Daisaku Ikeda said, “Freedom doesn’t mean the absence of restrictions. It means possessing unshakable conviction in your choices in the face of an obstacle.”

            Buddhism is about awareness, the power to view the options of the world with your eyes open. Freedom to see; Freedom to choose; Freedom to be free. But while Buddhism is meant to free our minds, what about our society? Can we be free thinkers in a society of expectations, judgments and conformity?

            We live in what is euphemistically called a ‘Free Country’ but are we utilizing our Freedom? Are we willingly limiting ourselves? We’re told we should follow our dreams but if we’re brainwashed from childhood about what our life goals should be, are we really thinking freely when we say “I want to be a success” or “I want to be famous”. Aren’t our standard dreams just following the program? If we just do what everyone else is doing, what does that make us? There’s a difference between independence and Freedom. Independence means self-sufficiency but freedom means that we’re not imprisoned by anyone else’s words, deeds or thoughts. People have been trained to love license instead of freedom.

            If you’re hungry, there’s little choice when you’re eating from an apple barrel. All you can eat is an apple. Wouldn’t you rather eat from a fruit cart where you can choose what you’d prefer to eat? 

Can we break out of the cocoon of imposed thoughts or is that idea too frightening for us? Wordsworth said that we tire easily of Freedom. Choices can be scary. Sometimes it’s easier to live in chains. The Buddha, however, once said “Life is constant change. Don’t be as still as a stone.” Freedom is the path to happiness and happiness usually lies in the place we don’t look for it.

            To paraphrase the Buddha, Freedom does not lie in trying to escape but in accepting the impermanence of the physical world and freeing yourself from attachment to material things. We need to free ourselves from what we think we want. We’re given all of Earth to love but we choose only one or two things to care about. Yet do we really choose what we care about or is our choice made for us?

            Do most people realize how constricted they are or is it too painful to think about? Shakespeare said “Others cannot abide the question ‘Are you free?’ simply because they know they aren’t.”   

            Are we free? Do we want to be? In whose service is perfect freedom? Ours or society’s or both?  If we are free to be greater than we are, what heights could we aspire to? We could do great things with our freedom because Freedom is a noble thing. Lincoln said “Freedom is honorable both in what it gives and what it preserves.”

Freedom is always and exclusively for those who think differently. Just think what your life would have been like if you were, as free as nature first made man to be! Buddhist Daisaku Ikeda said something similar when he said “Once we attain Buddhahood, we’ll be Buddha’s in life after life. And we’ll enjoy Freedom throughout eternity!”

Is Time on Our Side?

Post 11: OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH TIME

“We know what we are, not what we may become.” William Shakespeare.

            People have always had a vitriolic and vituperative relationship with time. Let’s look at how our battle with time makes us unhappy and consider how we can look at time a different way.

 In one way or another, we’re almost always thinking about time. We’re always thinking about what we have to do later today and what our schedule is for tomorrow. We’re always rushing and worrying about being on time. Our minds wander through time. This is called Not-Being-In-The-Moment.

            The truth is that most of our problems exist in the past or the future. We worry about something that may happen in the future. We feel guilt or anger or sadness about something that has happened in the past. And while it’s true that we do have bad experiences, that’s not what happens most of the time. We just dwell on those moments far too much.  The Cherokee say “Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” Similarly, the Pawnee believe, “What is past and cannot be prevented should not be grieved for.”

            We tend to look at time negatively, like an enemy. We talk about “the race against time”. We describe time as if it were something we’re short of, as in “We’re out of time”, “There’s not enough time”, “I wish I had more time” or “Running out of time.” Or sometimes we have “too much time” and then we have to “kill time”. Time seems to always be against us. Why do we see it that way?

            We should live in the present and find our eternity in the moment. We live in a time where growing financial demands and expectations cause us to look to the future more dreadfully. To the presentation we have to give tomorrow; to the money we hope to save for retirement; to the dollar tomorrow might bring. We’re dragged kicking and screaming out of the present. We don’t take the time to really savor the NOW. To relax, reflect and feel connected to ourselves.

              “Man partly is and partly hopes to be” as Shakespeare said. Taking action now is the only way to be sure that we’ll get where we’re going. And we can’t let thoughts of the past deter us from our future. It’s the past that leads to doubt and lack of confidence. The past can hold us back. We can’t change the past. “What’s beyond help should be beyond grief.”  The past is gone but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called ‘the Present’.

 We need to start our Eternity in the Present moment. What we are and what we will be depends on the choices we make now and the faith we have in our ability to ascend and create a new world for ourselves and for everyone else. Our faith may be a small candle flame but it lights its way through the darkness and ultimately into the light. A flame always reaches upward. Even a tiny flame aspires to rise to new heights.   We all have the capacity to be better than we are if we deepen our faith every day. So what are we prepared to do today?

One Nichiren Buddhist story speaks of the Lion King (Not the Disney one) who took three steps and paused before striking. Between the hunt and the kill, there was a moment when the lion was in-the-moment, pausing to reflect on the experience before rushing to the conclusion. The lion wasn’t thinking about what he had to do tomorrow.  His mind was totally in the moment.

 Why can’t we savor the moment like the Lion King did? Why do we live in the past or the future? Why are we all too willing to be seduced away from our rightful and essential need to be ourselves in the moment? Is it possible to find happiness between ‘tick’ and ‘tock’? Between the bad memories of ‘tick’ or the dread of ‘tock’. How many hours do we spend reliving bad experiences from yesterday or dreading the years ahead, despite the fact that we—all of us—have the instinctive knowledge that there is a better way. A way of greater sanity.

Two things that continually rob us of our happiness are negative thoughts of the past and future. Fear is only a prediction and anger is only a memory. “The greatest blow the enemy of the human soul can strike is to do fury honor.” We can learn from the past and we can plan for the future but we must live in the present.

            Some people work so hard to become successful but never take the time to enjoy the money that they struggled so many hours to earn. And what happens to the people who lose their money before they had a chance to savor having it? Too many people focus on getting something they don’t have but take for granted what they have now. We all take the present for granted even though it’s all we have.

            Shakyamuni Buddha was a wise man, possessed of a clarity that most of us lack. He taught people how to come to terms with the conditions they live in. He advised people to look deep within themselves and acknowledge the way in which their own actions hurt them. He knew that disregarding the precious moments that make up our lives, only diminishes us.

            Buddha said “Life is ever changing, moment to moment. The only constant is change”. So if the world is constantly in flux, hurtling towards unpredictable possibilities, and since the past is irrevocably gone, then all we have for certain is NOW! So why not cherish what we have? Why not live in the moment?

  It’s been said that the universe gives you what you need. Buddha might have said that we have all the time we need. We just need to learn to use it better and appreciate it more. Don’t wish it away or take it for granted. Enjoy here and enjoy now.

            A great quote from Hamlet is “I could be bound in a nutshell and count myself king of infinite space.” Well, we’re all bound by the constraints of time but if we learn to live in the moments, instead of the years; then we can come one step closer to that Buddha nature that lives between ‘Tick’ and ‘Tock’. 

Status Envy

Post Eight: Envy:

CHAPTER 9: STATUS ENVY

 When I was growing up, if you’d asked me or any of my friends what our favorite film was, the unanimous answer would have been “The Wizard of Oz”. We knew all the dialog and had all the songs memorized. But strangely enough, known of us really understood what it was actually about.

            As many times as we’d seen it, we all missed the fact that this was the story of people who were on a desperate quest for something they already had. That film perfectly illustrated the all-too-common mistake of searching outside ourselves for something we already have inside. We didn’t get that message because it was such a foreign concept to us. Happiness, we were taught, comes from something outside; from the approval of others; from material things; from money. We were steered toward placebos.

            But as we grow, having things just isn’t enough anymore. We need to have more than everyone around us. Keeping up with the Jones’ was passé and we now need more than the Jones’ or we felt inadequate. You can never be too rich and if the person next to you has something you don’t have, you need to get it too, or you’re a lazy slacker.

            The modern term is “Status Envy”. We believe he who dies with the most toys wins. If you’re not first you’re last. It’s all envy! Envy is called one of the Seven Deadly Sins. The Green Eyed Monster. But sadly, we are slow to learn. We only see what we don’t have. Thankfully, our practice exists to help us understand what we have to do.

            People are willing to humiliate themselves on reality TV shows, sacrificing their dignity just for the attention and bragging-rights of having been on television. (As if all celebrities were happy and well adjusted)  These people would be happier if could just realize that they didn’t need the vindication of the TV audience. Everyone is special, even if he/she doesn’t win AMERICAN IDOL. To quote a song lyric, “Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn’t already have”. Similarly, attention and applause don’t give you anything you don’t already have.

            Why do we punish ourselves with envy? Why do we feel “He’s rich so I have to be richer or he’s better than I am”? Buddhism teaches us to focus our attention on what we have instead of what we don’t have. The Minquassi Inians believe, “If you see no reason to give thanks for what you have, the fault lies in yourself”, while the Arapho say “Take only what you need”. In a world where we’re trained to be fulfilled only by the material things around us and the attention that others give us, seekers ask for the awareness and enlightenment to appreciate the greater gifts we already possess. We hope that future generations will understand this better and spend less time looking for the Wizard.

Finding balance in an unbalanced world

Post 8: MODERATION: THE MIDDLE WAY:

“Beginnings and endings are easy. The middle is always the hardest part.” Charles Dickens.

Finding balance is a difficult thing to do, both as individuals and as a culture. We are all struggling to find balance in a world that is wildly out of balance. Moderation becomes a difficult thing when the world insists on pushing us to extremes. The Native Americans know about the value of finding the middle ground. Just as they simultaneously love and fear the power of nature, they know that a middle ground must be found. There are just as many Native American myths about the moon as there are about the sun. The Onondaga Indians rightly point out, “We exist between the ant and the mountain”.

When we think of acting in moderation, some may think of behavior like drinking or other harmful behavior. This goes back to my previous lesson about addiction. If someone is able to regulate their potentially destructive behavior--such as drinking in moderation--they can avoid the pitfalls of addiction. You don't have to deprive yourself completely of anything. You just need to walk the tightrope down the center.

            Look at the story of Shakyamuni Buddha. He was a spoiled prince in the sixth century BC whose early life was one of complete indulgence. He eventually gave all that up in favor of a spiritual quest which would leave him to live an ascetic lifestyle, starving and punishing himself. When he became so weak that he was near death and still hadn’t found the spiritual enlightenment he sought, he came to realize his error. Neither extreme--mortification or excessive indulgence—was the correct path. There had to be a better way. A middle way. Buddha told his followers, “Avoiding these two extremes is where you find the enlightenment of the middle path, which brings insight and knowledge and leads to higher consciousness and Nirvana.  

So how do we find the middle ground in our lives today? We’re living at a time where the country is polarized politically to either the far right or the far left. The gap between rich and poor has never been wider. Some religions talk about purity or sin, heaven or hell. Our leaders tell us we have to choose between our personal freedoms or being killed by terrorists. If we don’t work enough hours we can’t make a living but we’re working so many hours that we don’t have lives.

            So where’s the middle ground Buddha spoke of? Where is the midway view between poverty and excessive indulgence?  How do we find balance?

War is something every generation experiences and it’s a perfect example of an extreme viewpoint. It’s good to stand up for a cause but militant action can be taken too far. Obviously, there are times where you have to take a stand but is going to war always the answer? It takes a wise man to find a middle path between passive acceptance and violent overkill. People like Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela were smart enough to find the middle path between violence and surrender. They took a brave stance without striking a blow. Avoiding extremes is the path to the middle way.

            Here’s a story about a couple who had two children. One son was treated like an adult, allowed a great deal of freedom and independence. The parents related to him more like he was a friend, not an offspring. They let him experiment with drugs and alcohol at a young age. When he dropped out of school, they supported his decision. Today, that boy is a 40 year old unemployed alcoholic, still living with his parents.

            As for the other son, his story was different, because they treated him so differently. They tried the opposite track with him. They became overprotective and put the fear of everything into him. They constantly warned him of all the world’s dangers. They made him afraid of strangers, told him that friends couldn’t be trusted and that women were dangerous. He became shy, insecure and a total nervous wreck. By the time he was 39 years old, he was a bundle of nerves living alone is a small apartment, with no friends, completely cut off from a scary world.

            That couple’s inability to find moderation with their kids led to them both becoming very damaged adults. Too many people in the world have the same trouble finding balance.   We’re too high or too low. Too fast or too slow. We lean to the left or to the right. When we look at all the things we’ve seen and experienced, we wish that we could live In-Between but we don’t know how to do it, or maybe we’re afraid to attempt something so far out of our comfort zone. So we stay stuck at the far extremes. But we’ll have to risk making that unfamiliar journey to the middle ground if we want to find the peace of a balanced universe. The center will hold, if we can just find it.

  

Addiction

Post 8: Addiction


This is a very personal entry for me and one that I feel strongly about!


In my original post, I talked about the gambling addiction that destroyed my family fortune and left my family struggling, blue-collar workers. Gambling is one addiction that's affected my family. I've had two cousins who suffered from drug addiction. I myself have an eating addiction, especially when it comes to sweets. I can eat a ton of chocolate and go back for more.

I mentioned in a previous post that my parents were killed in an accident when I was young. The accident was caused by a drunk driver who plowed into them while driving under the influence. Alcohol is another type of very harmful addiction, and a very sore spot with me. I'm sure you can see why.

Alcohol has been a huge problem among the American Indians for two centuries, even since their subjugation by the Europeans. This affects their children because there is a high rate of fetal alcohol syndrome among the First Americans, due to depression-related-alcoholism among the women.The Lakota Indians have a saying, "Many have fallen with a bottle in their hands".

There really is no magic answer to the problem of addiction. Neither the Buddhists nor the Native Americans nor any of the other practices I experimented with had a clear solution for this. There have always been addictions and there always will be. Therefore, if we can't avoid them, how do we deal with them?

This is hard. If you've ever had someone in your family who had a substance abuse problem, you know how hard it is to deal with. Be it drugs or alcohol or gambling, the addiction turns the good person you loved into a thoughtless, obsessed stranger who is ruining your life! In some cases, people who drive under the influence will end lives, as happened with my parents.

So what do we do when this happens? What is the answer? Could even wise Buddha answer this question?

Some might say that understanding, sympathy and patience is the way to go. On the other hand, too much patience and leniency may encourage the same behavior over and over. One of my cousins has hit rock bottom several times because he knows his sister will always be there to pick him up and let him stay with her while he goes through his latest round of rehab. He knows he has this compassionate safety net, so the idea of hitting rock bottom is not so scary for him. It just becomes part of the cycle. and the responsibility falls to someone else. Perhaps if he didn't have that safety net, he would try to avoid falling off the wagon next time.

When is the time to say "Enough is enough! You're on your own!"? Should there be a limit to tolerance, even for a loved one? I don't pretend to have all the answers here because, as I said, this is a tricky issue for me, considering all my experiences with addicted people and my own obsessed sweet tooth.

You need strength to get though this. Buddha has been called "He who can forbear". If you are dealing with someone who is addicted or if you are addicted yourself, you will need to find that excess of strength that everyone has inside them. We're all stronger than we think we are. Remember 'We never know how high we are until we are called to rise!' Also, there are support programs you can go to, where you can discuss this traumatic experience with others who are going through it.

And one last thing...If you are suffering from an addiction, please don't let it become someone else's problem! Don't drag your family down! Get help! If you have a drinking problem, don't drive or you may not only end up killing an innocent person, you will also ruin the lives of the people they left behind.

If anyone out there is dealing with someone who has an addiction, or if you have an addiction yourself, feel free to contact me. I'll be happy to talk to you.

Rob

Are You Lonesome tonight?

Post 7: Lonely.


Being alone is one of the things we are most afraid of in life. No one wants to be alone. It's not a great way to live. There is a Seneca Indian saying, "Even in Paradise, being alone would be hell!"

Part of the reason we date so frantically is our fear of being alone. Most of us would rather hook up with someone who drives us crazy than risk being alone. Many unhappy marriages were formed by people who just didn't want to be alone. It's understandable. The hard times are easier to go through if you don't have to go through them alone. It's good to be part of "we" instead of just an "I".

I personally had a relationship that lasted 11 years. We broke up and got bak together periodically. We sometimes lived together but it never laster long before she went back to her parents house. We'd fight and I'd eventually give in and apologize, knowing that she wasn't going to. It wasn't a happy or healthy relationship, but we both agreed it was better than being alone. As the Cheyeene Indian  saying goes, "It is never good for anyone to be alone."

Sadly, you can be lonely even when there are other people around. I've met married women who have said they were lonely, even thought they lived with a husband and children. Being around other people doesn't necessarily ensure that you will not feel alone. Often, being alone in a crowd can be worse than being completely alone.

For many people--if not most--there will be lonely periods. Some will be very short and some will be torturously long. So how do we handle the horrible feeling of being alone in the world?

The best way to survive it is to understand the Buddhist concept of interconnectedness. Karl Jung talked about the connected subconscious mind in his work. The Native Americans talk about the interconnectedness of every living thing on the planet, not just the humans. Think of it as the way Yoda explained the Force in "The Empire Strikes Back". Everything is bound together by a greater force which binds us beyond any untying. We are all a single cell in a massive body of life. Despite our love of gadgets, the only things that is really ours--and that we can never escape from even if we wanted to--is each other. We're all in this together.

No one is alone. Everything we do resonates in this big, amazing universe, and our smallest actions will one day affect someone else. It's like the Butterfly Effect. (A butterfly flapping its wings in America will lead to a chain of events that will cause a major storm in Europe.)

The point is, since we're not really alone, there is no reason to feel lonely. Certainly it's more fun to have people you love around you but if you don't, please do not despair! You are not forgotten. The world will not forget you. There's no escaping the human race and you will be drawn back into the collective humanity sooner or later. Nature abhors a vacuum and it won't let one of the cells of the body of humanity go unused for long.

So just remember, if you're feeling lonely, hang on! The human race will reclaim it's lost children soon enough, and before you know it, you'll be hanging out with new friends and maybe even a new lover.

You are not alone!

Dealing with Loss

Post 6:  LOSS:

Loss can come on a grand scale or on a personal scale. Both are difficult to deal with and it takes a certain type of wisdom and strength to survive these loses.

Looking at loss on a grand scale, let's look at two examples. One is the Buddhists of Tibet. Mahayana Buddhism was the dominant religion in Tibet for 1,000 years. However, since the Chinese occupation of Tibet, 6,000 monasteries have been destroyed and Buddhist monks, lamas and spiritual leaders have been persecuted. 80% of the political prisoners there are Monks. The head of the Tibetan Buddhist system—the Dalai Lama—managed to escape arrest and has been living in exile ever since. While Buddhism still exists in Tibet it is limited and monitored by the authorities.  (For instances, existing monasteries must be next to a police station or have police stationed inside; Monks cannot proselytize outside their monasteries; limits are placed on the number of people who attend; many old ceremonies and festivals are now forbidden by law, etc.) The result of all this is the loss of an established way of life that the Tibetans savored for centuries.

Another example of loss on a grand scale is what happened to the Native American Indians. From the time of Columbus’ first expeditions that led him to the New World, the indigenous population, who had been masters of the American continent for 14,000 years, began fighting a losing battle (against a more heavily armed invaders who also brought epidemic diseases with them) which would ultimately end in the destruction of their culture. Ever since then, they have been an oppressed, segregated minority.

And then there are loses on a smaller, more personal scale. Take a look at my history. First came the loss of the family fortune and later came the sudden, tragic death of my parents while I was young, which left me on my own and prevented me from going to college. These things weren’t world-shaking events but on a personal scale, they hit hard and they are difficult to bounce back from. These types of loses leave invisible scars.

So, how do we deal with these loses, both grandiose and personal? Well, obviously it’s never easy. I’ve never had an easy time with it. No one does. But there are ways to make loss a bit easier.

Buddhists, for example, see everything as impermanent and in flux. Life is a cycle of death and birth. Every summer ends and winter comes to replace it. But people don’t lament the summer’s end because everyone knew it would end, just as winter will end. We know everything eventually ends. Every person, animal and tree will die. Even the universe will end one day. 

Everything we own can be taken from us. We can lose our homes to a bank or to a fire. Our car can break down or be stolen. We can lose our money in many ways. Our relationships sometimes end, either in separation or death. Nothing we have today is guaranteed to still be there a year from now. This is the truth of the universe that we have to realize and accept. Impermanence is the ultimate law. Everything ends!

The Dakota Indians say “What was in the old days will never come again, just as a man will never be a child again.” Life moves along like a river and changes things, leaving some things we knew out of our reach forever but introducing new things to us. This is something we all have to deal with. Understanding this is important for everyone.

What’s important is to learn to celebrate what we had and not focus on what we lost. If someone you know dies, you should honor their memory by celebrating the fact that you had the pleasure of knowing her/him for a short time. That person came, enriched your life and then left. Be thankful that person was part of your life, even if it was temporary. If you were rich and now are poor, just remember that most people never had the opportunity to experience being rich at all. So be glad you had the experience. Just remember that every good experience you had is a blessing and there are people in the world who never had it but wish they’d experienced it, even for a short time.

Learn to be grateful for what you had and don’t focus on what you’ve lost. It makes loss much easier!

Wants, Expectations and Desires

Post 5: Wants, Desires & Expectations

            Nobody wants to be disappointed. Nobody wants to be tortured by unrealized desires. Desire and expectations can often leave us crushed. My mother’s advice was always, “Don’t get your hopes up.”

            Many religions will tell you that desire is bad. They’ll say desire is a trap that sucks us downward. Human existence is often seen as a seething whirlpool of desires, drives and impulses which give rise to vices and discontent. Some religions would maintain that the suppression of desires is the path to happiness. If you don’t want anything, you can’t be disappointed. Catholicism, for instance, says it’s a sin to covet. The message is ‘Get rid of your desires and you’ll be rewarded.

            Buddhism accepts the inevitability of desires as part of human nature. They can’t be ignored or wished away by prayer. They’ll always be with us and we have to learn to live with them. Hinayana Buddhism sets up various forms of meditation and disciplines, established to help gain control over the mind and body, thus freeing a person from the enslavement of Earthly desires but not ridding us of them totally. The Maricopa Indians say that “Everyone who is successful must have dreamed of something”. Our desires are a fundamental and necessary aspect of our existence. Wisdom encourages us to use them as a force that will enhance our own lives. Our passions drive us onward. Every goal and every quest is rooted in a desire to improve and evolve. This is what makes us alive. Shakespeare said that in apprehension, we are like angels. Our desires define us.

            It’s very true that both Native American and Buddhist beliefs advocate spiritual serenity and fulfillment in the moment. There’s no doubt of that. They both feel that inner peace and love are the universes greatest gift. However, neither of them denies the existence of emotion or the unlikelihood of any system of belief erasing our capacity to dream and desire. The key is that we accept our drives, lusts and desires, not as sins but as part of us which should be harnessed, not ignored. It should be a motivator. As the Omaha Indians say, “The Lazy man is apt to be envious”. 

  Would we be who we are without our driving passions? What would be left of us if every desire was exorcized from us? We are the sum of the many legs of our journey and that journey is defined by our needs and wants. Without desire, possibly we could escape the disappointments of life but we would be empty and irrelevant, like a dried up stream. We need desire to want to go on living and accomplishing. The key is for us to control these desires and not let them control us. The goal should be, as the Sioux say, to “Be satisfied with getting your needs met instead of your wants”.

 

Slander, Gossip and insults

Post 4: Slander, Gossip and insults

“Speak of me as I am. Nothing Exaggerate or set down in malice”

William Shakespeare’s “Othello”.

As a Buddhist coming from a Christian family, I’ve had to deal with judgments and criticisms about my choice of spiritual practice. I’ve been told that I’m going to Hell and that I part of a “cult”. I don’t mind that. I don’t think they mean to be insulting, they just don’t think before they talk. And that’s a common problem today. 

Who understand insults and criticism better than the Native Americans? They are the most oppressed of minorities; a conquered people who have long been seen in American culture as howling savages who attack innocent settlers, scalping them and carrying off their women. Even one of our popular American football teams today goes by the pejorative name “The Redskins”. Do people realize how offensive that is? Do people ever think about the deeper meaning of the things they say and how offensive they may be?

We judge, we criticize and we gossip. Sometimes it’s masked as a joke although it’s really not. Sometimes it’s said behind the other person’s back. But the harsh judgments of society are commonplace and people rarely think about the connotations. Maybe they take their lead from the TV sitcoms where friends and family members berate each other with vicious insults.

Sadly, these sorts of comments are made every day by people who surround us. By the people we work with and take the train with every day. Slander and insults are all around us. And yes, we’re guilty of it too. Maybe not at blatant, like religious intolerance, but we all have targets for our unloving judgments.

Why do we insult, slander or gossip about people? Why do we judge and convict? Is it because we see something of ourselves in the ones we judge. It must be something personal or we wouldn't bother.

What we say and how we say it affects those around us. We’re all connected on some level and everything we say has a consequence. A thoughtless remark or a bad joke can be like an anvil dropping on someone’s head. The Navajo have a saying, “Thoughts are like arrows. Once released, they strike their mark. Guard them well or one day you may be your own victim.”

When I was a kid, I didn’t know much about religion or philosophy. But there was one guy who I revered as the wisest philosopher & keenest observer of the human animal. That wise sage was Charles Schulz, creator of “Peanuts”. He was my guru, the one guy who really got it! One particular comic strip of his has always stayed with me till this day. Charlie Brown innocently walks up to two of the other kids – Lucy and Violet. Before he says a word, they start yelling “Get out of here! Beat it! Go away!” Charlie Brown skulks away sadly. The two girls watch him go, and Lucy says. “You know what I hate about Charlie Brown? I never see him smile.” That insight to me, spoke more eloquently than a whole volume of philosophy.

People can be blindly unaware of how their comments affect others. When we unleash our criticisms or insults at someone, they may not outwardly seem to be affected by our unsolicited opinion – but somewhere inside, part of them will be replaying what you said and wondering if it isn’t true. When this happens, both you and they are diminished. People can be much like dogs in this way. If you beat them enough, they may start to think they deserve it. We can be, as Shakespeare said, “Done to death by a slanderous tongue”.

Words can be weapons. Just as a kind word can keep you smiling for hours, a harsh word can ruin your day. Many would agree that an injury is forgotten sooner than an insult.

            We slander so casually, but we hate it when we’re slandered against. It makes us mad. And sometimes we want to get even. Literature is full of stories of revenge because it resonates with all people. No one likes to let a wrong done to them go unavenged. People take insults to heart. At one time, insults were considered so bad, that people would duel over them. Slandering a person was so serious; it was worth killing or dying for. We don’t do that anymore, but how often have you said “I'm gonna kill him! I swear, I’m gonna kill him.” Demeaning someone is not a little thing. It hurts.

            So why do we let it hurt us so much? We’re such fragile creatures. We’re so easily hurt. That’s why we get stuck. Little wounds from little words can drag us down, sobbing. Paralyzed into insecurity! To quote the Buddhists, “If we allow ourselves to be disturbed by petty criticisms and slanders, if we fear persecution; we will never advance or create anything of lasting value.” The Hopi say, “Gossip is like playing checkers with an evil spirit. You win occasionally but are more often trapped at your own game.” We don’t want to be unhappy. And we should take care when speaking so we hurt no one. We should speak no slander, nor listen to it.

Insults come from our anger, at ourselves and at the world. We may burn someone with an acid tongue because of the rage and fear inside ourselves. I think, if we were more comfortable with our inner demons, we wouldn’t see others so demonically. We need to adjust our thinking inwardly, to stop slandering outwardly.The Cheyenne Indians say, “Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins”. One final Buddhist quote… “We will continue to strive for this goal earnestly, undaunted by criticisms, slander or malicious attempts to hinder our progress. That is because what we are doing is the will of the original Buddha.”

And so, our homework is to watch what we say and why we say it and if we’re careful, we’ll do no harm.