Dealing with Loss

Post 6:  LOSS:

Loss can come on a grand scale or on a personal scale. Both are difficult to deal with and it takes a certain type of wisdom and strength to survive these loses.

Looking at loss on a grand scale, let's look at two examples. One is the Buddhists of Tibet. Mahayana Buddhism was the dominant religion in Tibet for 1,000 years. However, since the Chinese occupation of Tibet, 6,000 monasteries have been destroyed and Buddhist monks, lamas and spiritual leaders have been persecuted. 80% of the political prisoners there are Monks. The head of the Tibetan Buddhist system—the Dalai Lama—managed to escape arrest and has been living in exile ever since. While Buddhism still exists in Tibet it is limited and monitored by the authorities.  (For instances, existing monasteries must be next to a police station or have police stationed inside; Monks cannot proselytize outside their monasteries; limits are placed on the number of people who attend; many old ceremonies and festivals are now forbidden by law, etc.) The result of all this is the loss of an established way of life that the Tibetans savored for centuries.

Another example of loss on a grand scale is what happened to the Native American Indians. From the time of Columbus’ first expeditions that led him to the New World, the indigenous population, who had been masters of the American continent for 14,000 years, began fighting a losing battle (against a more heavily armed invaders who also brought epidemic diseases with them) which would ultimately end in the destruction of their culture. Ever since then, they have been an oppressed, segregated minority.

And then there are loses on a smaller, more personal scale. Take a look at my history. First came the loss of the family fortune and later came the sudden, tragic death of my parents while I was young, which left me on my own and prevented me from going to college. These things weren’t world-shaking events but on a personal scale, they hit hard and they are difficult to bounce back from. These types of loses leave invisible scars.

So, how do we deal with these loses, both grandiose and personal? Well, obviously it’s never easy. I’ve never had an easy time with it. No one does. But there are ways to make loss a bit easier.

Buddhists, for example, see everything as impermanent and in flux. Life is a cycle of death and birth. Every summer ends and winter comes to replace it. But people don’t lament the summer’s end because everyone knew it would end, just as winter will end. We know everything eventually ends. Every person, animal and tree will die. Even the universe will end one day. 

Everything we own can be taken from us. We can lose our homes to a bank or to a fire. Our car can break down or be stolen. We can lose our money in many ways. Our relationships sometimes end, either in separation or death. Nothing we have today is guaranteed to still be there a year from now. This is the truth of the universe that we have to realize and accept. Impermanence is the ultimate law. Everything ends!

The Dakota Indians say “What was in the old days will never come again, just as a man will never be a child again.” Life moves along like a river and changes things, leaving some things we knew out of our reach forever but introducing new things to us. This is something we all have to deal with. Understanding this is important for everyone.

What’s important is to learn to celebrate what we had and not focus on what we lost. If someone you know dies, you should honor their memory by celebrating the fact that you had the pleasure of knowing her/him for a short time. That person came, enriched your life and then left. Be thankful that person was part of your life, even if it was temporary. If you were rich and now are poor, just remember that most people never had the opportunity to experience being rich at all. So be glad you had the experience. Just remember that every good experience you had is a blessing and there are people in the world who never had it but wish they’d experienced it, even for a short time.

Learn to be grateful for what you had and don’t focus on what you’ve lost. It makes loss much easier!