Freedom

Post 12: FREEDOM

“Oh, to be the ruler of life, not a slave.” Walt Whitman.

What is freedom? Is it living as we choose, our spirits unchained and unhindered by expectations and obligations? Is it releasing the inner entombed soul? A fire that stirs and wakes those living in unhappy resignation? Bob Dylan asked “How many years can some people exist before they’re allowed to be free?” So what exactly is freedom?

Freedom is a touchy subject when it comes to the Native Americans. The Native Americans once ruled the continent until the arrival of settlers who conquered the old American Indian tribes in wars that came close to genocide for the Indians. The victorious American government put aside some land for the remaining Indians to live on, which have become known as reservations. There was an unwillingness to share the same land with the defeated race. These reservations have been the home of most, but not all of the remaining American Indian population. This mass segregation turned the once dominant American Indians into an oppressed minority. There are 24 million Native Americans remaining, which is a very small amount considering the population of the country. The new culture of reservation life that the Indian nations were forced to accept has spawned the new social problems which plague them today.

             Beyond the more ethical and political definitions of freedom, there is the concept of inner freedom. Being free, in this context,  means to avoid spiritual paralysis, to follow your beliefs and become a complete human being. It is the destiny of all people to be free. It’s similar to Dharma. Dharma is our ultimate purpose or higher truth. It is our duty to find our personal truth. We must free ourselves and create our own future. Buddha described Dharma as the practice of Freedom. To quote the Buddha, “Just as there is only one taste in the ocean—the taste of salt—so in Buddhism there is only one taste. The taste of Freedom.

            Dharma is a discipline that leads to Freedom. Many may think that discipline and freedom are opposite things. But they’re not! It takes more discipline to live free and prosper than to follow. Freedom also requires courage. Daisaku Ikeda said, “Freedom doesn’t mean the absence of restrictions. It means possessing unshakable conviction in your choices in the face of an obstacle.”

            Buddhism is about awareness, the power to view the options of the world with your eyes open. Freedom to see; Freedom to choose; Freedom to be free. But while Buddhism is meant to free our minds, what about our society? Can we be free thinkers in a society of expectations, judgments and conformity?

            We live in what is euphemistically called a ‘Free Country’ but are we utilizing our Freedom? Are we willingly limiting ourselves? We’re told we should follow our dreams but if we’re brainwashed from childhood about what our life goals should be, are we really thinking freely when we say “I want to be a success” or “I want to be famous”. Aren’t our standard dreams just following the program? If we just do what everyone else is doing, what does that make us? There’s a difference between independence and Freedom. Independence means self-sufficiency but freedom means that we’re not imprisoned by anyone else’s words, deeds or thoughts. People have been trained to love license instead of freedom.

            If you’re hungry, there’s little choice when you’re eating from an apple barrel. All you can eat is an apple. Wouldn’t you rather eat from a fruit cart where you can choose what you’d prefer to eat? 

Can we break out of the cocoon of imposed thoughts or is that idea too frightening for us? Wordsworth said that we tire easily of Freedom. Choices can be scary. Sometimes it’s easier to live in chains. The Buddha, however, once said “Life is constant change. Don’t be as still as a stone.” Freedom is the path to happiness and happiness usually lies in the place we don’t look for it.

            To paraphrase the Buddha, Freedom does not lie in trying to escape but in accepting the impermanence of the physical world and freeing yourself from attachment to material things. We need to free ourselves from what we think we want. We’re given all of Earth to love but we choose only one or two things to care about. Yet do we really choose what we care about or is our choice made for us?

            Do most people realize how constricted they are or is it too painful to think about? Shakespeare said “Others cannot abide the question ‘Are you free?’ simply because they know they aren’t.”   

            Are we free? Do we want to be? In whose service is perfect freedom? Ours or society’s or both?  If we are free to be greater than we are, what heights could we aspire to? We could do great things with our freedom because Freedom is a noble thing. Lincoln said “Freedom is honorable both in what it gives and what it preserves.”

Freedom is always and exclusively for those who think differently. Just think what your life would have been like if you were, as free as nature first made man to be! Buddhist Daisaku Ikeda said something similar when he said “Once we attain Buddhahood, we’ll be Buddha’s in life after life. And we’ll enjoy Freedom throughout eternity!”

Is Time on Our Side?

Post 11: OUR RELATIONSHIP WITH TIME

“We know what we are, not what we may become.” William Shakespeare.

            People have always had a vitriolic and vituperative relationship with time. Let’s look at how our battle with time makes us unhappy and consider how we can look at time a different way.

 In one way or another, we’re almost always thinking about time. We’re always thinking about what we have to do later today and what our schedule is for tomorrow. We’re always rushing and worrying about being on time. Our minds wander through time. This is called Not-Being-In-The-Moment.

            The truth is that most of our problems exist in the past or the future. We worry about something that may happen in the future. We feel guilt or anger or sadness about something that has happened in the past. And while it’s true that we do have bad experiences, that’s not what happens most of the time. We just dwell on those moments far too much.  The Cherokee say “Don’t let yesterday use up too much of today.” Similarly, the Pawnee believe, “What is past and cannot be prevented should not be grieved for.”

            We tend to look at time negatively, like an enemy. We talk about “the race against time”. We describe time as if it were something we’re short of, as in “We’re out of time”, “There’s not enough time”, “I wish I had more time” or “Running out of time.” Or sometimes we have “too much time” and then we have to “kill time”. Time seems to always be against us. Why do we see it that way?

            We should live in the present and find our eternity in the moment. We live in a time where growing financial demands and expectations cause us to look to the future more dreadfully. To the presentation we have to give tomorrow; to the money we hope to save for retirement; to the dollar tomorrow might bring. We’re dragged kicking and screaming out of the present. We don’t take the time to really savor the NOW. To relax, reflect and feel connected to ourselves.

              “Man partly is and partly hopes to be” as Shakespeare said. Taking action now is the only way to be sure that we’ll get where we’re going. And we can’t let thoughts of the past deter us from our future. It’s the past that leads to doubt and lack of confidence. The past can hold us back. We can’t change the past. “What’s beyond help should be beyond grief.”  The past is gone but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called ‘the Present’.

 We need to start our Eternity in the Present moment. What we are and what we will be depends on the choices we make now and the faith we have in our ability to ascend and create a new world for ourselves and for everyone else. Our faith may be a small candle flame but it lights its way through the darkness and ultimately into the light. A flame always reaches upward. Even a tiny flame aspires to rise to new heights.   We all have the capacity to be better than we are if we deepen our faith every day. So what are we prepared to do today?

One Nichiren Buddhist story speaks of the Lion King (Not the Disney one) who took three steps and paused before striking. Between the hunt and the kill, there was a moment when the lion was in-the-moment, pausing to reflect on the experience before rushing to the conclusion. The lion wasn’t thinking about what he had to do tomorrow.  His mind was totally in the moment.

 Why can’t we savor the moment like the Lion King did? Why do we live in the past or the future? Why are we all too willing to be seduced away from our rightful and essential need to be ourselves in the moment? Is it possible to find happiness between ‘tick’ and ‘tock’? Between the bad memories of ‘tick’ or the dread of ‘tock’. How many hours do we spend reliving bad experiences from yesterday or dreading the years ahead, despite the fact that we—all of us—have the instinctive knowledge that there is a better way. A way of greater sanity.

Two things that continually rob us of our happiness are negative thoughts of the past and future. Fear is only a prediction and anger is only a memory. “The greatest blow the enemy of the human soul can strike is to do fury honor.” We can learn from the past and we can plan for the future but we must live in the present.

            Some people work so hard to become successful but never take the time to enjoy the money that they struggled so many hours to earn. And what happens to the people who lose their money before they had a chance to savor having it? Too many people focus on getting something they don’t have but take for granted what they have now. We all take the present for granted even though it’s all we have.

            Shakyamuni Buddha was a wise man, possessed of a clarity that most of us lack. He taught people how to come to terms with the conditions they live in. He advised people to look deep within themselves and acknowledge the way in which their own actions hurt them. He knew that disregarding the precious moments that make up our lives, only diminishes us.

            Buddha said “Life is ever changing, moment to moment. The only constant is change”. So if the world is constantly in flux, hurtling towards unpredictable possibilities, and since the past is irrevocably gone, then all we have for certain is NOW! So why not cherish what we have? Why not live in the moment?

  It’s been said that the universe gives you what you need. Buddha might have said that we have all the time we need. We just need to learn to use it better and appreciate it more. Don’t wish it away or take it for granted. Enjoy here and enjoy now.

            A great quote from Hamlet is “I could be bound in a nutshell and count myself king of infinite space.” Well, we’re all bound by the constraints of time but if we learn to live in the moments, instead of the years; then we can come one step closer to that Buddha nature that lives between ‘Tick’ and ‘Tock’. 

Status Envy

Post Eight: Envy:

CHAPTER 9: STATUS ENVY

 When I was growing up, if you’d asked me or any of my friends what our favorite film was, the unanimous answer would have been “The Wizard of Oz”. We knew all the dialog and had all the songs memorized. But strangely enough, known of us really understood what it was actually about.

            As many times as we’d seen it, we all missed the fact that this was the story of people who were on a desperate quest for something they already had. That film perfectly illustrated the all-too-common mistake of searching outside ourselves for something we already have inside. We didn’t get that message because it was such a foreign concept to us. Happiness, we were taught, comes from something outside; from the approval of others; from material things; from money. We were steered toward placebos.

            But as we grow, having things just isn’t enough anymore. We need to have more than everyone around us. Keeping up with the Jones’ was passé and we now need more than the Jones’ or we felt inadequate. You can never be too rich and if the person next to you has something you don’t have, you need to get it too, or you’re a lazy slacker.

            The modern term is “Status Envy”. We believe he who dies with the most toys wins. If you’re not first you’re last. It’s all envy! Envy is called one of the Seven Deadly Sins. The Green Eyed Monster. But sadly, we are slow to learn. We only see what we don’t have. Thankfully, our practice exists to help us understand what we have to do.

            People are willing to humiliate themselves on reality TV shows, sacrificing their dignity just for the attention and bragging-rights of having been on television. (As if all celebrities were happy and well adjusted)  These people would be happier if could just realize that they didn’t need the vindication of the TV audience. Everyone is special, even if he/she doesn’t win AMERICAN IDOL. To quote a song lyric, “Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn’t already have”. Similarly, attention and applause don’t give you anything you don’t already have.

            Why do we punish ourselves with envy? Why do we feel “He’s rich so I have to be richer or he’s better than I am”? Buddhism teaches us to focus our attention on what we have instead of what we don’t have. The Minquassi Inians believe, “If you see no reason to give thanks for what you have, the fault lies in yourself”, while the Arapho say “Take only what you need”. In a world where we’re trained to be fulfilled only by the material things around us and the attention that others give us, seekers ask for the awareness and enlightenment to appreciate the greater gifts we already possess. We hope that future generations will understand this better and spend less time looking for the Wizard.

Finding balance in an unbalanced world

Post 8: MODERATION: THE MIDDLE WAY:

“Beginnings and endings are easy. The middle is always the hardest part.” Charles Dickens.

Finding balance is a difficult thing to do, both as individuals and as a culture. We are all struggling to find balance in a world that is wildly out of balance. Moderation becomes a difficult thing when the world insists on pushing us to extremes. The Native Americans know about the value of finding the middle ground. Just as they simultaneously love and fear the power of nature, they know that a middle ground must be found. There are just as many Native American myths about the moon as there are about the sun. The Onondaga Indians rightly point out, “We exist between the ant and the mountain”.

When we think of acting in moderation, some may think of behavior like drinking or other harmful behavior. This goes back to my previous lesson about addiction. If someone is able to regulate their potentially destructive behavior--such as drinking in moderation--they can avoid the pitfalls of addiction. You don't have to deprive yourself completely of anything. You just need to walk the tightrope down the center.

            Look at the story of Shakyamuni Buddha. He was a spoiled prince in the sixth century BC whose early life was one of complete indulgence. He eventually gave all that up in favor of a spiritual quest which would leave him to live an ascetic lifestyle, starving and punishing himself. When he became so weak that he was near death and still hadn’t found the spiritual enlightenment he sought, he came to realize his error. Neither extreme--mortification or excessive indulgence—was the correct path. There had to be a better way. A middle way. Buddha told his followers, “Avoiding these two extremes is where you find the enlightenment of the middle path, which brings insight and knowledge and leads to higher consciousness and Nirvana.  

So how do we find the middle ground in our lives today? We’re living at a time where the country is polarized politically to either the far right or the far left. The gap between rich and poor has never been wider. Some religions talk about purity or sin, heaven or hell. Our leaders tell us we have to choose between our personal freedoms or being killed by terrorists. If we don’t work enough hours we can’t make a living but we’re working so many hours that we don’t have lives.

            So where’s the middle ground Buddha spoke of? Where is the midway view between poverty and excessive indulgence?  How do we find balance?

War is something every generation experiences and it’s a perfect example of an extreme viewpoint. It’s good to stand up for a cause but militant action can be taken too far. Obviously, there are times where you have to take a stand but is going to war always the answer? It takes a wise man to find a middle path between passive acceptance and violent overkill. People like Gandhi, Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela were smart enough to find the middle path between violence and surrender. They took a brave stance without striking a blow. Avoiding extremes is the path to the middle way.

            Here’s a story about a couple who had two children. One son was treated like an adult, allowed a great deal of freedom and independence. The parents related to him more like he was a friend, not an offspring. They let him experiment with drugs and alcohol at a young age. When he dropped out of school, they supported his decision. Today, that boy is a 40 year old unemployed alcoholic, still living with his parents.

            As for the other son, his story was different, because they treated him so differently. They tried the opposite track with him. They became overprotective and put the fear of everything into him. They constantly warned him of all the world’s dangers. They made him afraid of strangers, told him that friends couldn’t be trusted and that women were dangerous. He became shy, insecure and a total nervous wreck. By the time he was 39 years old, he was a bundle of nerves living alone is a small apartment, with no friends, completely cut off from a scary world.

            That couple’s inability to find moderation with their kids led to them both becoming very damaged adults. Too many people in the world have the same trouble finding balance.   We’re too high or too low. Too fast or too slow. We lean to the left or to the right. When we look at all the things we’ve seen and experienced, we wish that we could live In-Between but we don’t know how to do it, or maybe we’re afraid to attempt something so far out of our comfort zone. So we stay stuck at the far extremes. But we’ll have to risk making that unfamiliar journey to the middle ground if we want to find the peace of a balanced universe. The center will hold, if we can just find it.

  

Addiction

Post 8: Addiction


This is a very personal entry for me and one that I feel strongly about!


In my original post, I talked about the gambling addiction that destroyed my family fortune and left my family struggling, blue-collar workers. Gambling is one addiction that's affected my family. I've had two cousins who suffered from drug addiction. I myself have an eating addiction, especially when it comes to sweets. I can eat a ton of chocolate and go back for more.

I mentioned in a previous post that my parents were killed in an accident when I was young. The accident was caused by a drunk driver who plowed into them while driving under the influence. Alcohol is another type of very harmful addiction, and a very sore spot with me. I'm sure you can see why.

Alcohol has been a huge problem among the American Indians for two centuries, even since their subjugation by the Europeans. This affects their children because there is a high rate of fetal alcohol syndrome among the First Americans, due to depression-related-alcoholism among the women.The Lakota Indians have a saying, "Many have fallen with a bottle in their hands".

There really is no magic answer to the problem of addiction. Neither the Buddhists nor the Native Americans nor any of the other practices I experimented with had a clear solution for this. There have always been addictions and there always will be. Therefore, if we can't avoid them, how do we deal with them?

This is hard. If you've ever had someone in your family who had a substance abuse problem, you know how hard it is to deal with. Be it drugs or alcohol or gambling, the addiction turns the good person you loved into a thoughtless, obsessed stranger who is ruining your life! In some cases, people who drive under the influence will end lives, as happened with my parents.

So what do we do when this happens? What is the answer? Could even wise Buddha answer this question?

Some might say that understanding, sympathy and patience is the way to go. On the other hand, too much patience and leniency may encourage the same behavior over and over. One of my cousins has hit rock bottom several times because he knows his sister will always be there to pick him up and let him stay with her while he goes through his latest round of rehab. He knows he has this compassionate safety net, so the idea of hitting rock bottom is not so scary for him. It just becomes part of the cycle. and the responsibility falls to someone else. Perhaps if he didn't have that safety net, he would try to avoid falling off the wagon next time.

When is the time to say "Enough is enough! You're on your own!"? Should there be a limit to tolerance, even for a loved one? I don't pretend to have all the answers here because, as I said, this is a tricky issue for me, considering all my experiences with addicted people and my own obsessed sweet tooth.

You need strength to get though this. Buddha has been called "He who can forbear". If you are dealing with someone who is addicted or if you are addicted yourself, you will need to find that excess of strength that everyone has inside them. We're all stronger than we think we are. Remember 'We never know how high we are until we are called to rise!' Also, there are support programs you can go to, where you can discuss this traumatic experience with others who are going through it.

And one last thing...If you are suffering from an addiction, please don't let it become someone else's problem! Don't drag your family down! Get help! If you have a drinking problem, don't drive or you may not only end up killing an innocent person, you will also ruin the lives of the people they left behind.

If anyone out there is dealing with someone who has an addiction, or if you have an addiction yourself, feel free to contact me. I'll be happy to talk to you.

Rob

Are You Lonesome tonight?

Post 7: Lonely.


Being alone is one of the things we are most afraid of in life. No one wants to be alone. It's not a great way to live. There is a Seneca Indian saying, "Even in Paradise, being alone would be hell!"

Part of the reason we date so frantically is our fear of being alone. Most of us would rather hook up with someone who drives us crazy than risk being alone. Many unhappy marriages were formed by people who just didn't want to be alone. It's understandable. The hard times are easier to go through if you don't have to go through them alone. It's good to be part of "we" instead of just an "I".

I personally had a relationship that lasted 11 years. We broke up and got bak together periodically. We sometimes lived together but it never laster long before she went back to her parents house. We'd fight and I'd eventually give in and apologize, knowing that she wasn't going to. It wasn't a happy or healthy relationship, but we both agreed it was better than being alone. As the Cheyeene Indian  saying goes, "It is never good for anyone to be alone."

Sadly, you can be lonely even when there are other people around. I've met married women who have said they were lonely, even thought they lived with a husband and children. Being around other people doesn't necessarily ensure that you will not feel alone. Often, being alone in a crowd can be worse than being completely alone.

For many people--if not most--there will be lonely periods. Some will be very short and some will be torturously long. So how do we handle the horrible feeling of being alone in the world?

The best way to survive it is to understand the Buddhist concept of interconnectedness. Karl Jung talked about the connected subconscious mind in his work. The Native Americans talk about the interconnectedness of every living thing on the planet, not just the humans. Think of it as the way Yoda explained the Force in "The Empire Strikes Back". Everything is bound together by a greater force which binds us beyond any untying. We are all a single cell in a massive body of life. Despite our love of gadgets, the only things that is really ours--and that we can never escape from even if we wanted to--is each other. We're all in this together.

No one is alone. Everything we do resonates in this big, amazing universe, and our smallest actions will one day affect someone else. It's like the Butterfly Effect. (A butterfly flapping its wings in America will lead to a chain of events that will cause a major storm in Europe.)

The point is, since we're not really alone, there is no reason to feel lonely. Certainly it's more fun to have people you love around you but if you don't, please do not despair! You are not forgotten. The world will not forget you. There's no escaping the human race and you will be drawn back into the collective humanity sooner or later. Nature abhors a vacuum and it won't let one of the cells of the body of humanity go unused for long.

So just remember, if you're feeling lonely, hang on! The human race will reclaim it's lost children soon enough, and before you know it, you'll be hanging out with new friends and maybe even a new lover.

You are not alone!

Dealing with Loss

Post 6:  LOSS:

Loss can come on a grand scale or on a personal scale. Both are difficult to deal with and it takes a certain type of wisdom and strength to survive these loses.

Looking at loss on a grand scale, let's look at two examples. One is the Buddhists of Tibet. Mahayana Buddhism was the dominant religion in Tibet for 1,000 years. However, since the Chinese occupation of Tibet, 6,000 monasteries have been destroyed and Buddhist monks, lamas and spiritual leaders have been persecuted. 80% of the political prisoners there are Monks. The head of the Tibetan Buddhist system—the Dalai Lama—managed to escape arrest and has been living in exile ever since. While Buddhism still exists in Tibet it is limited and monitored by the authorities.  (For instances, existing monasteries must be next to a police station or have police stationed inside; Monks cannot proselytize outside their monasteries; limits are placed on the number of people who attend; many old ceremonies and festivals are now forbidden by law, etc.) The result of all this is the loss of an established way of life that the Tibetans savored for centuries.

Another example of loss on a grand scale is what happened to the Native American Indians. From the time of Columbus’ first expeditions that led him to the New World, the indigenous population, who had been masters of the American continent for 14,000 years, began fighting a losing battle (against a more heavily armed invaders who also brought epidemic diseases with them) which would ultimately end in the destruction of their culture. Ever since then, they have been an oppressed, segregated minority.

And then there are loses on a smaller, more personal scale. Take a look at my history. First came the loss of the family fortune and later came the sudden, tragic death of my parents while I was young, which left me on my own and prevented me from going to college. These things weren’t world-shaking events but on a personal scale, they hit hard and they are difficult to bounce back from. These types of loses leave invisible scars.

So, how do we deal with these loses, both grandiose and personal? Well, obviously it’s never easy. I’ve never had an easy time with it. No one does. But there are ways to make loss a bit easier.

Buddhists, for example, see everything as impermanent and in flux. Life is a cycle of death and birth. Every summer ends and winter comes to replace it. But people don’t lament the summer’s end because everyone knew it would end, just as winter will end. We know everything eventually ends. Every person, animal and tree will die. Even the universe will end one day. 

Everything we own can be taken from us. We can lose our homes to a bank or to a fire. Our car can break down or be stolen. We can lose our money in many ways. Our relationships sometimes end, either in separation or death. Nothing we have today is guaranteed to still be there a year from now. This is the truth of the universe that we have to realize and accept. Impermanence is the ultimate law. Everything ends!

The Dakota Indians say “What was in the old days will never come again, just as a man will never be a child again.” Life moves along like a river and changes things, leaving some things we knew out of our reach forever but introducing new things to us. This is something we all have to deal with. Understanding this is important for everyone.

What’s important is to learn to celebrate what we had and not focus on what we lost. If someone you know dies, you should honor their memory by celebrating the fact that you had the pleasure of knowing her/him for a short time. That person came, enriched your life and then left. Be thankful that person was part of your life, even if it was temporary. If you were rich and now are poor, just remember that most people never had the opportunity to experience being rich at all. So be glad you had the experience. Just remember that every good experience you had is a blessing and there are people in the world who never had it but wish they’d experienced it, even for a short time.

Learn to be grateful for what you had and don’t focus on what you’ve lost. It makes loss much easier!

Wants, Expectations and Desires

Post 5: Wants, Desires & Expectations

            Nobody wants to be disappointed. Nobody wants to be tortured by unrealized desires. Desire and expectations can often leave us crushed. My mother’s advice was always, “Don’t get your hopes up.”

            Many religions will tell you that desire is bad. They’ll say desire is a trap that sucks us downward. Human existence is often seen as a seething whirlpool of desires, drives and impulses which give rise to vices and discontent. Some religions would maintain that the suppression of desires is the path to happiness. If you don’t want anything, you can’t be disappointed. Catholicism, for instance, says it’s a sin to covet. The message is ‘Get rid of your desires and you’ll be rewarded.

            Buddhism accepts the inevitability of desires as part of human nature. They can’t be ignored or wished away by prayer. They’ll always be with us and we have to learn to live with them. Hinayana Buddhism sets up various forms of meditation and disciplines, established to help gain control over the mind and body, thus freeing a person from the enslavement of Earthly desires but not ridding us of them totally. The Maricopa Indians say that “Everyone who is successful must have dreamed of something”. Our desires are a fundamental and necessary aspect of our existence. Wisdom encourages us to use them as a force that will enhance our own lives. Our passions drive us onward. Every goal and every quest is rooted in a desire to improve and evolve. This is what makes us alive. Shakespeare said that in apprehension, we are like angels. Our desires define us.

            It’s very true that both Native American and Buddhist beliefs advocate spiritual serenity and fulfillment in the moment. There’s no doubt of that. They both feel that inner peace and love are the universes greatest gift. However, neither of them denies the existence of emotion or the unlikelihood of any system of belief erasing our capacity to dream and desire. The key is that we accept our drives, lusts and desires, not as sins but as part of us which should be harnessed, not ignored. It should be a motivator. As the Omaha Indians say, “The Lazy man is apt to be envious”. 

  Would we be who we are without our driving passions? What would be left of us if every desire was exorcized from us? We are the sum of the many legs of our journey and that journey is defined by our needs and wants. Without desire, possibly we could escape the disappointments of life but we would be empty and irrelevant, like a dried up stream. We need desire to want to go on living and accomplishing. The key is for us to control these desires and not let them control us. The goal should be, as the Sioux say, to “Be satisfied with getting your needs met instead of your wants”.

 

Slander, Gossip and insults

Post 4: Slander, Gossip and insults

“Speak of me as I am. Nothing Exaggerate or set down in malice”

William Shakespeare’s “Othello”.

As a Buddhist coming from a Christian family, I’ve had to deal with judgments and criticisms about my choice of spiritual practice. I’ve been told that I’m going to Hell and that I part of a “cult”. I don’t mind that. I don’t think they mean to be insulting, they just don’t think before they talk. And that’s a common problem today. 

Who understand insults and criticism better than the Native Americans? They are the most oppressed of minorities; a conquered people who have long been seen in American culture as howling savages who attack innocent settlers, scalping them and carrying off their women. Even one of our popular American football teams today goes by the pejorative name “The Redskins”. Do people realize how offensive that is? Do people ever think about the deeper meaning of the things they say and how offensive they may be?

We judge, we criticize and we gossip. Sometimes it’s masked as a joke although it’s really not. Sometimes it’s said behind the other person’s back. But the harsh judgments of society are commonplace and people rarely think about the connotations. Maybe they take their lead from the TV sitcoms where friends and family members berate each other with vicious insults.

Sadly, these sorts of comments are made every day by people who surround us. By the people we work with and take the train with every day. Slander and insults are all around us. And yes, we’re guilty of it too. Maybe not at blatant, like religious intolerance, but we all have targets for our unloving judgments.

Why do we insult, slander or gossip about people? Why do we judge and convict? Is it because we see something of ourselves in the ones we judge. It must be something personal or we wouldn't bother.

What we say and how we say it affects those around us. We’re all connected on some level and everything we say has a consequence. A thoughtless remark or a bad joke can be like an anvil dropping on someone’s head. The Navajo have a saying, “Thoughts are like arrows. Once released, they strike their mark. Guard them well or one day you may be your own victim.”

When I was a kid, I didn’t know much about religion or philosophy. But there was one guy who I revered as the wisest philosopher & keenest observer of the human animal. That wise sage was Charles Schulz, creator of “Peanuts”. He was my guru, the one guy who really got it! One particular comic strip of his has always stayed with me till this day. Charlie Brown innocently walks up to two of the other kids – Lucy and Violet. Before he says a word, they start yelling “Get out of here! Beat it! Go away!” Charlie Brown skulks away sadly. The two girls watch him go, and Lucy says. “You know what I hate about Charlie Brown? I never see him smile.” That insight to me, spoke more eloquently than a whole volume of philosophy.

People can be blindly unaware of how their comments affect others. When we unleash our criticisms or insults at someone, they may not outwardly seem to be affected by our unsolicited opinion – but somewhere inside, part of them will be replaying what you said and wondering if it isn’t true. When this happens, both you and they are diminished. People can be much like dogs in this way. If you beat them enough, they may start to think they deserve it. We can be, as Shakespeare said, “Done to death by a slanderous tongue”.

Words can be weapons. Just as a kind word can keep you smiling for hours, a harsh word can ruin your day. Many would agree that an injury is forgotten sooner than an insult.

            We slander so casually, but we hate it when we’re slandered against. It makes us mad. And sometimes we want to get even. Literature is full of stories of revenge because it resonates with all people. No one likes to let a wrong done to them go unavenged. People take insults to heart. At one time, insults were considered so bad, that people would duel over them. Slandering a person was so serious; it was worth killing or dying for. We don’t do that anymore, but how often have you said “I'm gonna kill him! I swear, I’m gonna kill him.” Demeaning someone is not a little thing. It hurts.

            So why do we let it hurt us so much? We’re such fragile creatures. We’re so easily hurt. That’s why we get stuck. Little wounds from little words can drag us down, sobbing. Paralyzed into insecurity! To quote the Buddhists, “If we allow ourselves to be disturbed by petty criticisms and slanders, if we fear persecution; we will never advance or create anything of lasting value.” The Hopi say, “Gossip is like playing checkers with an evil spirit. You win occasionally but are more often trapped at your own game.” We don’t want to be unhappy. And we should take care when speaking so we hurt no one. We should speak no slander, nor listen to it.

Insults come from our anger, at ourselves and at the world. We may burn someone with an acid tongue because of the rage and fear inside ourselves. I think, if we were more comfortable with our inner demons, we wouldn’t see others so demonically. We need to adjust our thinking inwardly, to stop slandering outwardly.The Cheyenne Indians say, “Do not judge a man until you have walked two moons in his moccasins”. One final Buddhist quote… “We will continue to strive for this goal earnestly, undaunted by criticisms, slander or malicious attempts to hinder our progress. That is because what we are doing is the will of the original Buddha.”

And so, our homework is to watch what we say and why we say it and if we’re careful, we’ll do no harm.

 

What About Love?

Post Three: What About Love?

“Love goes toward love, as schoolboys from their books. But love from love, toward school with heavy looks.” This is a rather confusing quote from William Shakespeare on the subject of romantic love. I deliberately began with a difficult to understand quotation because love is a difficult subject to understand. Philosophers and poets have tried to define it for centuries. Literature is replete with odes and opinions on the subject. But most of us don’t normally equate Buddhism or Native American spiritualism with the topic of romance. What do these practices say about the subject, and can they help us in our relationships? Love is blind we’re told. Buddhism is about the opening of the eyes and the Crow Indians say, “The eyes of man see things the tongue cannot pronounce.”

        I once went on the Internet to look up some dating websites. The listings that came up were numbered 1-10 out of 11,274. I wondered, why so many single’s websites? In a world of 6 billion people, surely it shouldn’t be this hard to meet someone compatible. Is this why love has been called “A Universal Migraine”? What’s it all about?

The Seneca Indians say, “Even in Paradise, living alone would be hell.” Buddhist Nichiren Daishonin said that people in love should be united “like a pair of eyes, or the two wings of a bird”. It’s a nice image, but why doesn’t the picture often seem that pretty in reality?

            One thing that love and religion have in common is that people often seem to turn to them in emptiness or desperation. We’re unfulfilled, scared or lonely so we turn to faith or love to fill the void in our discontented souls. We’re needy creatures. Often, when we begin a relationship, we ask the other person to give us something we don’t think we have, to take us to a new level of contentment. But the paradox is, we’re also asking them to repair the damage done to us by people from our past. We all have a scar or two from our parent or an ex-girlfriend or ex-husband. We say to our new partner, make me forget all that. Our new relationship is irrevocably connected to our past ones.

            Many people have what the Buddhists call Heavy Karma in this area. Sometimes memory is a curse. Compromised relationships in the past become compromised relationships in the future. We develop harmful patterns. What’s past becomes prologue. We’re caught in a trap of self-defeating circular repetition. As the Lakota Indians say, “Whatever the world does, it does in a circle”. People caught in this ouroboros just cannot have a mature, mutually beneficial relationship.  But this karma can be changed. One benefit of these two philosophies is the strengthening of the self, and the repairing of a fractured sense of identity. Through our faith and practice we improve ourselves and allow ourselves to escape the vicious cycle.

            The course of true love never did run smooth. Maybe it was never meant to. But those people who manage to achieve a strong, positive sense of self, and who discover their true inner nature—the nature the Great Spirit intended and what the Buddhists call our “Buddha nature”—should have a much easier time than those who don’t. The more comfortable you are with yourself, the more comfortable you’ll be with your lover. This practice can help you with that.

            If love is “the noblest frailty of the mind”’ we should turn that frailty into a great strength and make our ability to love someone into something magnificent. There’s no formula to love. We learn by loving. If that’s the case, and we can only learn as we go, then we should give ourselves every advantage possible.

            A Buddhist saying goes that the closeness of a couple should be “as inseparable as fish and the water in which they swim.” The Hopi Indians say “One finger alone cannot lift a pebble.” This special unity can only be shared between two people who have awakened to their higher selves and who can understand the totality of union with another. It takes two people with a common awareness, or rather an uncommon awareness, to experience this.  “The mind has 1,000 eyes, the heart has just one.” We owe it to ourselves to have that eye opened, which will allow us to deepen our power to love to a level we always dreamed of. Love doesn’t have to be blind. We just have to open our eyes.

The beginning

Post ONE:

                “It is not too late to seek a newer world.” These words, written by Alfred Lord Tennyson, offer hope to a disenchanted seeker of knowledge, frustrated in the search for complicated answers to simple questions.  Tennyson’s words are echoed by Epicurus who wrote, “Let no one be slow to seek wisdom when he is young, nor too weary in the search for it when he has grown old. For no age is too early or too late for the benefits of wisdom.” Life should not be a still-life of angst. It should be a journey of illumination. We all want answers to life’s questions. A true seeker hopes to find the right path to get to those answers.

            Many people desperately look to the usual suspects for those answers--Material possessions, wealth, status, sex, fame and all those other things we’ve been taught since our toddler days will make us happy and peppy and have us waking up in the morning with a song in our hearts. We think that “he who dies with the most toys wins”. If you’re reading this blog, you’ve probably realized that you’re not going to find your answers there. To paraphrase Michael ‘Meat Loaf’ Aday, “You’ll never find gold on a sandy beach and you can’t drill for oil on a city street.” More often than not, these physical things are the cause of our discontent, because comparing what we have to what others have is usually what makes us unhappy.  Most suffering is caused by craving and avarice. If we learn to give up useless craving, we can live happier in the moment.

            Many people give up the search for something deeper and better, resigned to living life by-the-numbers. Thoreau said “Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.” The majority of people today feel resigned to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. We accept that life is what we see and we toil on, like good soldiers. Some of us hope for a miracle which will bring us the happily-ever-after that fairy tales promise us. We wait for answers. We wait to feel good. We wait to wait. Sadly, the waiting doesn’t help. We learn only by learning, not by waiting.

            The Buddhists understand this, as do the Native Americans. They have very different expectations about what leads to happiness and fulfillment than most of us westerners do. As the Duwamish Indians say, “I love a people who do not live for the love of money”. Buddhism, like Native American spiritualism, is not a religion but rather a philosophy for living. They are both based on observations of the natural world and depend more upon understanding than on faith.

            As you may know, there are many types of Buddhism, just as there are different denominations of Christianity. There is Theraveda Buddhism, Mahayana Buddhism and Tibetan Buddhism (Also known as Tantric or Vajrayana Buddhism). As far as the Native Americans go, there are nearly 100 different tribes, each with their own specific culture.  There is no single, written-in-stone set of rules and morals for all Buddhists or all Native American beliefs. However, there are many commonalities among all Buddhism, just as there are recurring themes and ways of viewing the world shared by the tribes of the first Americans. This blog collects the most common themes, notions and sayings, using them in a very general sense.

             The basic precepts of Buddhism are (1) to lead a moral life where you harm no one, (2) to pay attention to your thoughts and actions because they have ramifications in an interconnected world, and (3) to continually develop wisdom and understanding which will help you grow and evolve as a person.  Unlike most other systems of worship, Buddhism offers a way to eliminate suffering during life, not after it’s over. You can find happiness in living, not in dying. This comes as very good news to many of us. Buddhism means “To be awake”. A seeker wants to be awakened to the truth. In this case, the truth is within ourselves and that’s where we should be looking.

            In most religions, faith means trust in an outside force or person. We’re told to look outward and hope for guidance or assistance. We hope this external force will deliver our salvation. The Buddhists believe that there is nothing you can find outside you that you don’t have inside you. No need to beg for what you already have.  “As the Buddhists say, “The way is not in the sky. It is in the heart.” Western religions once realized that but forgot it. In the lost scrolls of Nag Hammadi, Jesus said “If heaven were in the sky, the birds would be closer to it than we are.” That sounds very Buddhist.

            The Buddhists believe that when we change ourselves for the better inside, there is a ripple effect that spreads outward and benefits the whole world. Buddha once said, “We are what we think. All that we are arises from our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.” The Aborigine have a custom called ‘the Walk-About’, where they travel the world to learn about themselves. Buddhists take the opposite approach. They search within themselves to change the world. That’s the place we should all be looking. Whether or not we succeed is less important than the fact that we keep trying. We may never change the world but the continuing search for enlightenment fulfills us in ways that nothing else could.

            The search for inner-harmony and spiritual balance is a common keystone of Native American beliefs. They are less rigid and compartmentalized than most modern western people are about the means of attaining this enlightenment. Unlike the modern American/European idea that philosophy, religion, literature and cultural history are all disparate, unconnected entities, Native Americans firmly believe that these things are all part of a greater spiritual state that cannot be separated. The Native Americans believe that everything in our culture, past and present—mental, spiritual and environmental—contributes to making us what we are. Every person we meet, every lake we swim in and everything we read are puzzle pieces that make up the human being we are. The Hopi Indians believe “All things have meaning, form and power.” When we interact with other people and with nature, when we learn about them, we’re learning about ourselves. If we learn what we’re meant to learn, the whole will be greater than the parts.

The Native Americans believe in the Circle of Life, whereas Buddhists belief in the similar concept of karma. The Native American belief in the Circle of Life means that everything comes back to the beginning. Our journey leads us back to ourselves. The circle is an important symbol in their culture. Just as the earth, the sun and the moon are round, life is circular. Moving through the circle is an ongoing journey of personal evolution. Ideally, if you act and think in a way that is positive, healthy and respectful to others, you should find yourself in a more positive place with each trip around the loop. Conversely, if you are angry or bitter, the belief is that your trip along the circle will end in a place you probably don’t want to be, unless you’re a masochist who enjoys misery. Buddhists call this Karma. Karma is the relationship between intent and reward, which means that the universe rewards your intentions. The belief is that if you have good intentions and want to help people, the universe will deliver future happiness but if you have unkind motivations, you’ll end up unhappy.  As the Crow Indians like to say, “The more you give, the more good things come to you.”

            The wisdom of these philosophies is that they show us ways to improve and reach enlightenment on our own. As the Crow Indians say, “You already possess everything necessary to become great.” The Buddhists echo this thought, saying, “The mind is everything. What you think, you will become”. The Hopi Indians believe, “Teaching should come from within instead of without.” To quote a song lyric about a popular film, “Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man that he didn’t already have”. Another saying from the Hopi Indians is, “Wisdom comes when you stop searching for it and start living as you were intended to.”

            Both the Buddhists and the Native Americans base their interactions with others on respect, kindness and consideration. These practices don’t focus on the “dog-eat-dog” competitiveness that you’ll find in daily life or the “eye for an eye” anger of other schools of thought.  As the Arapaho Indians like to say, “When we show our respect for other living things, they respond with respect to us”. Both believe that to help others is better than to beat others. The Native American Indians believe we should “Help one another and not strive to be another’s undoing”. These philosophies are tolerant of other beliefs, never declaring anyone wrong or stupid or inferior for their personal views.  To quote a Shawnee saying, “Trouble no man about his religion—respect him in his views and demand that he respect yours.”

            Both of these spiritual philosophies acknowledge the interconnectedness of all life. Psychiatrist Carl Jung compared Buddhism to his theory of the Collective Unconscious. The Collective Unconscious is a psychic system of universal and collective remnants of our innate nature which is identical in all individuals but cannot be explained by anything in the individuals own life. The Collective Unconscious does not develop but is instead inherited, consisting of pre-existent forms and archetypes. Jung considered the personification of the Collective Unconscious as a Wise Old man. Interestingly, the Wise Old man is an important symbol in Native American mythology. The Native Americans believe in the interconnectedness of everyone and everything. They see all people and all of nature as being one. To the Native Americans, nothing is separate and no one is alone.  As the Sioux say, “With all things and in all things, we are relatives”.

            Confucius said “Whoever knows essentially his own mind can also know that of other men and can collaborate in the transformation and progress of Heaven and Earth.” A seeker needs to be mindful to truly experience life. Thoreau said to “Live deliberately and suck the marrow out of life. To put to route all that is not life.”  Socrates told us “the unexamined life is not worth living.” We are a curious race and we spend time studying every particle of our physical world. We’ve walked on the moon and send probes into space. Human history is a timeline of great discoveries. And yet, we avoid studying the greatest enigma of all…ourselves!

            Why don’t we know ourselves as well as we know our computers or I-phones? Why are we less curious about ourselves than we are about celebrities? Why aren’t we compelled to know our inner working? We should be. We have to and need to and must. To quote the Buddha,” It is better to conquer yourself than to win 1,000 battles.” We don’t have to be sitting under the Bodhi Tree to have an epiphany about ourselves. We have chosen to begin this exploration. We are pioneers of the greatest frontier. “Oh brave new world that has such beings in it.”

            Seneca said “How can the soul which misunderstands itself understand others?” The truth is that it can’t. Each of us has so many more layers of majesty and magic within ourselves than we’re taught we know. Our lives should not be limited to sticking our toe in the water when there’s a whole ocean to swim in. “Oh, to hold life henceforth in the palm of new joy.” A whole new world is calling for you to discover it. “Seek and ye shall find,” even if you’re looking for yourself. We need to listen and learn. We need to be still and subdue our own mind so that we are not distracted from exploring the real “final frontier”, which is our own soul. This is the truth that Buddha and the Native Americans knew centuries ago. We modern seekers are still trying to catch up with them.

            Now we will begin this journey together and see if we can find hidden treasure in the oceanic depths of our minds, hearts and souls. A true seeker can only promise his or herself to keep seeking. “This above all, to thine own self be true.” Simple words but so important. We owe it to ourselves to listen.

  “It is not too late to seek a newer world.” 

My family and why I'm writing this Blog

My family and why I'm writing this Blog.

The Dakota Indians say “He who serves his fellows is the greatest of all.” Similarly, the Buddhists believe “One thousand candles can be lit from a single candle and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by sharing.”

These two quotes are meant to answer the question some of you may be asking, which is ‘Why did I write this blog?’ It’s a fair question and you’ll find the answer in the previous quotes. I’m writing this to help because that’s what people should do. It may seem that we’re walking the world alone but in reality we’re all part of a greater whole and our duty lies in helping each other.

We should teach others what we’ve learned because it could be useful to them. One of the things we learn the most from is our mistakes. You should never be embarrassed to talk about the dark secrets or humiliating mistakes of the past because these could be a boon to someone else in the future.

As an example, I’ll tell you a little bit of the unfortunate history of my family and how I fell on hard times. This little tale will hopefully serve as a lesson for others. The tale begins way back to the late 1800s, when a father-and-son team of tailors left Catanzo Italy to make their fortune in the United States. The father was Anthony G. (My great-great grandfather) and his son was Frank G. (My great grandfather.) They were accompanied by Frank's wife Ernesta. (My great-grandmother) They arrived in America just before the turn of the 19th century. They were experienced tailors. (Anthony was the second generation of tailor in the family and Frank the third.) Using the money they'd saved up and whatever they could borrow, they opened a tailor shop in Brooklyn, NY. Their work was so good that word spread quickly and the shop became very successful. Within 10 years, they'd opened a second shop (One run by Anthony and the other by Frank.)

The twin shops were exceptionally successful. The father/son team was making more money than they'd ever imagined. At a time when the average salary for a worker in this country was less than $10.00 per week, my family was making over $400.00 per week. That was an exceptional amount for the early 20th century. They were written about in the paper as successful local businessmen.

By 1910, the family owned three brownstones in the area which is today called Park Slope. (It's become a very upscale area and those brownstones would be worth millions today.) They also owned many acres of land on an old country road near Hauppage, which would today be part of Smithtown NY. (Another upscale area. My family would own a chuck of that thriving town today.) My grandfather (who was born in 1903) used to tell me about his childhood on the farm, which he loved. Anthony and Frank also each owned a nice house of their own. Life was good.

Things turned bad in 1913 when my great-great grandfather Anthony died, leaving the business totally in the hands of his son Frank. This was a problem because Frank had a gambling problem. Frank kept his compulsion in check while his father Anthony was still head of the family and President of the company because Frank feared his father's disapproval. But once his dad was gone, my great-grandfather Frank was in total control and had no one to keep him on a leash.

Frank's gambling quickly went out-of-control. He was just no good at it and nearly always lost. The first thing he lost was his father's house. Then he lost the first of the three brownstones, and soon lost a second. After than he lost the farm (much to my grandfather's dismay) and then the final brownstone was gone. After that, he had so many debts he sold one of his tailor shops. Soon after, they lost the house and moved into an apartment. Finally, the debts piled up so (and he owed money to some ruthless people who wouldn't take "I don't have the money to pay you" for an answer) so that he was forced to sell his remaining shop. The business was gone and Frank had spent the last of their savings on the horse races.

The family was left with nothing but debts and the arrival of the Great Depression did nothing to ease their struggles, especially since Frank never did stop losing money gambling. My grandfather got a job in someone else's tailor shop (making him a fourth generation tailor) to support the family. Frank worked odd jobs for the rest of his life, never holding them very long, frequently borrowing money (including from the family of his second wife) until he died broke in 1954.

In the early 1930s, my grandfather got married to my grandmother and moved out on his own. He had a nearly forty year career working at Lord and Taylor, raising two daughters (my mother was the younger one, born just before WW2) and managing to buy a house of his own, which he lived in until he died at age 91, in 1994. My grandmother lived there until she passed in 2003, after which my aunt (their eldest daughter) sold the house.

Before that, my mother and father used to rent the upstairs of my Grandfather's house when I was growing up. Grandpa used to tell me about the farm he loved so much as a kid and how sad he was that his father Frank had lost it so stupidly. I could tell by the sound of his voice how much he missed that land in Hauppauge/Smithtown. He wasn't an emotional or effusive man by any means (most men of that era were very stoic) but when he mentioned that farm, the regret was evident. Even though I, myself, never got to see the farm (It was long gone by the time I was born in the 60s) I admit I felt strangely deprived of the pleasure of spending time on the family farm. I kept thinking “Boy, it would have been nice if someone had left me Smithtown in their will.”

My family has been struggling since the 1930s, as blue-collar workers. My grandfather managed to do right for his family, as did my father, but life has been a struggle. Add to that the fact that my mother was manic-depressive and unstable, which made my life a constant whirlwind of chaos. My parents died when I was young, killed in a horrific accident before I’d finished college, so I had to quit school and make a living on my own. Not having a college degree has always made finding work difficult. It’s been a struggle. However, the trials and tribulations of my life did inspire me to go on my spiritual journey. It made me seek answers to questions that seemed unanswerable. Why were these constant events—over which I had no control and did nothing to cause—constantly causing me to be mired in grief and financial strife? These queries led to examine life in a new way, hoping to find meaning in chaos. I looked into many spiritual practices, religions and philosophies. I have been practicing Buddhism for eight years as I write this but Buddhism wasn’t the only thing I studied during my experimental years. It was one of two spiritual practices which I felt a special connection to. The other was Native American philosophy. Both of these schools of thought are so admirable because they have managed to hang onto their core heritage, ethics and rituals for centuries. In the years since discovering these two remarkable philosophies, I have worked hard to develop a combine system, using aspects of both Buddhism and Native American culture, to help me get through many rough years and I hope that it can help others, too. 

So, getting back to the original premise of this blog…share what you know, good and bad, because the knowledge you have may help someone else. I’m no Buddha or shaman, but I want to share what I know with you.